On the MOVE

After 2 months of getting up on all fours and rocking and scooting backwards, Eli FINALLY took his first steps forward!!  Here is the video of his first crawl!  Ignore the lack of furniture and paint supplies on the floor, we are in the middle of some cha-cha-changes...more to come on that later! ;-)

Reflections

Well I am easing my way back into the blogging world.  For those of you who know me, you know I recently lost my mom to brain cancer on December 23^rd.  A misconception I had about terminal illnesses and deaths that were expected was that it would be easier to deal with knowing that it was coming.  Well I am here to tell you that it is NOT any easier because for those months, days, hours leading up to it you really can't grasp the reality of it.  It has been a rough few months but these last couple of weeks without her have by far been the hardest.  To be honest, the past 18 months have been rough but there was a pretty long stretch there in the middle where things seemed to be almost back to normal.  We were able to spend some real quality time together after her diagnosis back in June 2010, unfortunately any amount of time seems insignificantly too short right now.  The thing I am most grateful for is that she was there when Eli was born and got to spend 6 months with him.  I do not know how I would have made it through the labor without her…she stayed by my side throughout the night without any sleep, rubbing my shoulders, getting me drinks of water and then emphatically telling me “NOT TO PUSH” when I was begging that I was ready but the doctors were telling me to wait.  She did all of this while on chemo and did not complain a single bit…but that is how she was…everyone else came first. 

I will never forget lying in the bed at the hospital after Eli was born with her in the chair next to me holding Eli as he slept on his first day of life.  I remember jokingly telling her to get it all in now because Debbie (my mother in law) would be there shortly and she may never get to hold the baby again (those that know my mother in law, know how excited she was and still is to get her hands on Eli).  My mother just sat there and slowly rocked Eli staring upon his sweet little face and began to cry as she told him that she may only get to hold him for a short amount of time…my joking comment was all too real to her. 

The thing about my mother is that those sad moments were very rare…even when the future was very grim.  She didn’t want us to sit around and be sad all the time; she wanted life to continue and not to be focused around her being sick.  This was very apparent when my mother was told that the tumor was growing again back in April of 2011; the weekend before my baby shower at her house.  She was devastated when she found out and the next day she made a phone call to me that I will never forget.  She was positive she would not live 2 more months (she ended up making it 8 more months) and she cried on the phone with me as she told me she didn’t think she would make it to Stacey’s wedding and that she was so grateful to have spent 10 wonderful years with Chase but that she was very worried about how difficult this was going to be on him.  I reassured her that this was the reason that God put Chase in our lives with Stacey and me so much older…so we could help take care of him after she was gone.  We talked on the phone for almost an hour and at the end of the conversation she said “Ok, well we aren’t going to talk about this again and we are going to spend this weekend at your baby shower as if nothing were wrong.  This baby shower is about you and I want everyone to have a good time.”  I halfheartedly agreed and the moment I got home shared an extra long hug with her but never spoke of it again.  That weekend will always be etched into my memory as a great weekend.

So now that she is gone, there are times when I feel like I will always be sad.  Every object around me reminds me of something about her and at any given moment I can burst into tears. There is this huge disconnect for me.  In my mind I picture her in perfect health, beauty and youth and in reality she is gone.  What I try to remember though, is that my mother wanted life to go on.  She did not want us to sit around and be sad the weekend of my baby shower and she does not want us to sit around and be sad now.  She would want us to come together and support each other as a family and to keep moving forward.  I know that she is in heaven looking down on us, guiding us in every step that we take.  I am still struggling to not be sad when I think of her but it helps to think of how she handled everything.  She would not want us to miss what is going on around us now because we were too caught up thinking about how it used to be. 

 And on that note, here are some pictures from Eli’s first Christmas… 

Hello Again

November has come and gone and this little blog has seen no love since October, which may very well qualify me as being one of the worst bloggers ever, sigh…  Does anyone else feel like they blinked and it was December???  Well, I am sorry about not keeping things rolling and I am making no guarantees that the month of December will be that much better but I will at least be able to say that I made one post.  Will it make things better if I tell you that this post includes a new delicious recipe?  What about some new pictures of Eli?  Well it’s your lucky day because I have both for you.

I wanted to share this butternut squash gratin recipe that I tried which is perfect for fall (which I have almost completely missed with no postings in November).  What makes this recipe even more interesting is that it makes my squash-hating husband go back for 2nds…yep, that good.  

Butternut Squash Gratin

•      3 cups butternut squash, in ¾ inch chunks
•      1 cup sweet onion, finely chopped  
•    1 Tbs olive oil 
•       ½ teaspoon salt
•      2 Tbs mayo (I used Miracle whip)
•    2/3 cup Parmesan, grated ( I didn’t have this on hand so I used cheddar) 
•    1/3 cup breadcrumbs (I only had Italian breadcrumbs which ended up working great) 

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees and spray 8 inch baking dish (round or square)
2. Cover squash with cold water and bring to boil in a medium pot.  Once boiling turn down to simmer for 20 minutes.  Rinse and drain.
3. Sauté onion in olive oil until softened and place to the side.
4. In a medium bowl  beat egg, salt and mayo together.  Add 1/3 cup of cheese, bread crumbs,  sautéed onion and squash.  Gently fold to combine.
5. Pour mixture into greased baking dish and top with remaining 1/3 cup of cheese.  Bake 1 hour or until slightly golden brown.

Cooking up some squash

So I may have got distracted with Eli and let the onion get a little too brown...

Ready for the oven

Deliciousness...should have included the empty pan after the 15 minutes it lasted

Not a squash eater?  Give it a try...if I can get Mark to go back for 2nds then I am pretty sure this dish may change your mind.  

As for Eli, he is growing, growing, growing.  He went to the doctors for his six month checkup today and is weighing in at 17 lb 3 oz (just under 50th percentile) and has a length of 26 3/4 inches (75th percentile).  He has also been given the green light for all baby food to include 3 meals and a snack a day.  He currently is eating 2 meals a day so we are officially becoming a full time eater!  Here is a list of his current abilities:

- Rolling over from back to front and front to back on a regular basis
- Pivoting on his belly to face different directions
- Scooting backwards, still figuring out how to get his knees under him 
- Sitting up with support
- Recognizing his own name and turns his head when someone calls it
- Recognizes me when I walk in to daycare to pick him up and greets me with a great big smile and wiggle
  dance
- Chews on EVERYTHING
- Interested in toys
- Smiling and giggling on a regular basis
- Becoming interested in both fur balls (Toby and Saydee)- loves to pet Toby but not so sure about getting
  licked in the face

Slide sleeping in his bouncy

Out!

Dinner time

Who me?

Gum chomping goodness...